Standing before a group of women I explained to them that I was honored to be asked to speak about three of my favorite topics – the Scriptures, marriage, and homeschooling.  It was at a local homeschool group meeting a few days ago.  The topic of the meeting
was Nurturing your Marriage through the Homeschooling Years.  My prayer was that God would bring in those who needed to be there and I believe He did. The dynamics of the group was amazing.  We had young mothers just starting their homeschooling journey, mothers who had been down the path for a while, and veteran homeschooling mothers.  One lady, with 14 children, came who has been married for 41 years.  When I told her that she should have been the one speaking her humble reply was, “I always need to be reminded of these things.”

Homeschooling mothers are the busiest women I know.   We have several full-time jobs.  While it is not intentional, it is
easy to place our marriage at the bottom of the priority list.  But it is dangerous to place your marriage there.  The daunting statistics of the
divorce rate are well known.  In fact, the numbers show that the statistics are the same in Christian and non-Christian homes.  Certainly, Christian people are not immune to trials and troubles in their marriage.  I would venture to say that because you are a believer that you are even under a more severe attack on your marriage.  Now add the fact that you choose to disciple your children at home and you have painted a bulls-eye for the enemy on your house.  First Corinthians 10:12 tells us, “Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.”  Here
is our warning.

Expectations are high in the homeschooling movement.  And too often we place them upon ourselves.  The myths are that we are superwomen who can have it all and do it all.  Our homes should look like something in the magazines, beautiful and never messy. Our children are geniuses and they never struggle with learning.  We are not superwomen, our homes are sometimes messy, and our children will struggle on days.  These are all myths and we must be realistic with ourselves.  We cannot do it all and we should not even try.  We must have priorities.  What are your priorities?  Is it teaching the children?  Is it running a home business?  It is maintaining the perfect home?  Is it ministry?  Or, is it your marriage?  Life is busy and homeschooling takes a lot of time and energy but God has given us clear priorities as women.  The home should not be “child-centered” even during the busy homeschooling years.  Because the truth is that it will be very difficult to have a successful homeschooling
journey without a successful marriage.   Heidi St. John in her book, The Busy Homeschooling Mother’s Guide to Romance says it like this, “You should not sacrifice your marriage on the altar of home education.”

Doing too much will cause us to do none of it well.  Jim Collens in his book, Good to Great says that “Good is the enemy of great.”   He goes on to say, “Few people attain great lives, in large part because it is just so easy to settle for a good life.”  I love this quote.  Think about this for a
moment.  So many times in my life I do the good things but I’m missing out on the great things. This is also true in our marriages.  We can have “good” marriages (by the world’s standards) but as Christians I believe our standard is a little higher.  Ephesians 5 tells us that the Christian
husband and wife is a picture to the world of Christ and His bride.  When we portray this image in a bad light we are portraying Christ and His bride in a bad light.  Therefore, a priority Christians should have is to work on having great marriages for the world to see.

I believe there are three keys to nurturing your marriage.  The first is to recognize your biblical role as wife.  The second is to have clear priorities.  And the third is practical application of these truths.  Ask the Lord to give you a desire to nuture your marriage.  Over the next few days I will address each of these keys.

“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish,” Ephesians 5:23-27.

Procrastination

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 “I’m not waiting until the first of the year,” I told my husband.  “I’m going to stop eating sugar today.  There is no point in putting it off.”  In January of this year I decided to go on a sugar fast.  It lasted over 10 months.  During that time I felt better and lost over 40 pounds.  But somewhere along November I began to eat a little here and a little there.  With the holidays I rationalized that it would be better to just wait until after the New Year to start the sugar fast again.  But the truth is that a person can rationalize anything.  Dana and I had just gotten back from the gym.  We were sitting down eating breakfast when it hit me.  Why wait until the first of the year?  Why put it off?   The longer I wait the harder it will be.

Procrastination is a killer.  How much time has been wasted by procrastinating?  Our time is extremely valuable and in the words of Benjamin Franklin, “You may delay, but time will not.”  The psalmist prayed, “Teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom,” Psalm 90:12. A wise person will realize that time is short and our days are limited; therefore there is no time to waste.  James puts it like this, “Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away,” James 4:14.

 I would say that we all have areas in our life that need addressing.  And quite frankly, the physical is easier to work on than the spiritual. It is much easier to quit sugar than it is to quit worrying.  It is easier to go to the gym than it is to go out and witness to my neighbors.  It is easier to spend hours organizing my home than it is to spend hours in prayer.  While the physical might be easier, the spiritual is so much more valuable.  (Read I Timothy 4:8.)  The problem is in our “want-to”.  Peter Marshall once alleged, “Most of us know perfectly well what we ought to do; our trouble is that we do not want to do it.”  I’m afraid that is all too true.  There are bad habits in my life that I need to quit.  And there are good things that I need to be doing.  For a child of God this is called sanctification. And the repercussion of not doing it is called sin. “Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin,” James 4:17.

 Are there things in your life that you have been putting off?  Have you been procrastinating within your Christian walk? Can you afford to delay any longer? Has time been wasting?  Have opportunities been lost this year?  Is there an area in your life that you can improve on?  I know that I can and I pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to gently nudge me toward holiness.

Commit with me to not procrastinate any longer.  Stop dragging your feet; instead consider taking a few of these practical steps toward spiritual growth.

  •   Commit to daily verse by verse Bible study (Isaiah 28:9-10)
  •   Get involved in ministry and work in a local church (Ephesians 3:21)
  •   Joyfully serve your family (Proverbs 31:27)
  •   Be more of an encourager to others (I Thessalonians 5:11)
  •   Memorize Scripture (Psalms 119:11)
  •   Sacrificially give more (2 Corinthians 9:7)
  •   Ask forgiveness and make amends with someone (Matthew 5:23-24)
  •   Spend more time in prayer (I Thessalonians 5:17)
  •   Witness and share your testimony more (Matthew 28:19-20)

This list is not exclusive.  Much more could be added to it.  Just be sure you do not make the mistake of thinking that it must all be done at once.  Pick an area in your life that you have been procrastinating in and work on that.  It takes one step at a time.  I often remind my children of these principles.

  •  You eat an elephant one bite at a time.
  •  You become a millionaire one dollar at a time.
  •  You form a habit one day at a time.
  •  You climb a tower one step at a time.
  •  You change the world one person at a time.

It won’t be easy but living the abundant life is not about easy.  Vance Havner reminds us that, “Taking it easy is often the prelude to backsliding. Comfort precedes collapse.”  So dear Christian friend, what are you waiting for?

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way,” Psalm 37:23.

Williams Christmas Letter 2011

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December 19, 2011

Dear Family and Friends,

Blessings and Greetings from our family to yours.  Over two thousand years ago, Elohim, the Creator of all, gave a gift to the world He created.  This gift came as a babe wrapped in swaddling clothes.  Born in Bethlehem, as the prophet Micah predicted, He came with a purpose that is still being fulfilled today – to save his people from their sins.  Isaiah prophesied, 750 years before Christ was born, that a virgin would conceive and bare a son.  His name would be called Immanuel meaning God with us.  The promised Messiah would bring peace to all who would call upon His name.  As the Christmas season approaches our family’s prayer is that you have experienced this peace.  It is a peace that passes all understanding and can only come from the Prince of Peace.

God has certainly filled our hearts with peace this year and has blessed our lives beyond measure.  It would take a book to share with you all that the Lord has done in our lives.  The most significant being our move back to Northwest Arkansas in July.  We left this area 8 years ago when Dana surrendered into the ministry and started back to school.  God saw fit to not only bring us back to our family, but He has blessed us with a dear church family.  We are so honored to be a part of Cornerstone in Bentonville where Dana is joyfully serving as Pastor.

The children are doing very well.  They adjusted to the move quickly.  Of course, being only 30 minutes from their grandparents helped immensely.  They have been reacquainted with old friends and have made many new friends in the short time we’ve been back.  Aaron turned 15 in September.  He is studying for his driver’s license and quickly turning into a godly young man.  Abigail turned 12 in March.  She is a beautiful young lady with a sweet spirit that brings joy to our home.  Andrew turned 9 in October.  He is living up to his name with a sword or gun almost always in his hand.  We are so thankful for the opportunity to still homeschool.  This year marks over 10 years of educating the children at home.  They are in 9th, 7th, and 3rd grade.

I was able to finish my 3rd book this year and have been blessed with several speaking opportunities.  My favorite was a three day retreat in Gulf Shores, Alabama in June.  We haven’t traveled too much this year but we have taken a few short trips. Before our move back in May we met my parents in Memphis for a Homeschooling Convention.  Dana and I went to the seminars and the children enjoyed their grandparents taking them to the zoo.  After our move we took a few days and took the children to Branson then Dana and I enjoyed a week in Branson all alone in October.  We are so thankful for our church who sent us to the Pastor’s Oasis for a refreshing time of renewal.  With our family close by, for the first time in many years, we have no plans to travel during Christmas.

Our plans this December is to focus on the theme of all of Scripture – Relationships – first our relationship with God and then our relationship with those around us.  May the Lord of Glory bless you this holiday season!  “Grace be with you, mercy, and peace, from God the Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father, in truth and love,” 2 John 1:3. 

Love – The Williams

Teaching Children to Give During the Holidays

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  Last night my family did something we don’t usually do.  We sat down after dinner and watched a TV program together.  America’s Funniest Home Videos was on and we do love to laugh.  You know the show – someone falls off a roof, gets hit by a ball, or has a skiing accident.  Of course, my 9 year old asked a valid question last night.  He wanted to know, “Why do we laugh at people getting hurt?”  Good point, son, and one that should be addressed sometime.  But what really caught my attention were the videos that showed children getting their Christmas presents.  One was of a boy who got clothes for a present and stomped up to his room in anger.  Another one was of a teenage girl who thought she didn’t get the phone she wanted and her pouty reaction.  Parents gave one girl a fish tank for Christmas.  Apparently, the fish didn’t live and the girl reacted by shouting, “This is the worse Christmas ever!”  The videos are meant to be funny but my thoughts were that these children are unthankful, selfish, and rude to their parents.

If we are not careful we will play right into the natural inclination of children’s selfishness, especially at Christmas.  While I desire to give my children good things, at the same time I do not want them becoming self centered in the process.  One way we try to do this is by steering them away from creating a “Christmas wish list” and instead we have them create a list of what they would like to give to others.  My parents have been good at teaching their grandchildren that “it is more blessed to give than receive.”  Each year at Thanksgiving they give the children a gift of money for them to give away.   The children will take the money and buy presents to give away to someone in need or they will buy gifts for people in a nursing home.  This helps to create in their heart an attitude of giving.

This attitude should be taught all year long.  However, we should be ever diligent in teaching it during Christmas.  For the Christian, gift giving represents the greatest gift ever given – God giving the world His only begotten Son.  It is so easy to get caught up in the holiday bustle and forget the real reason for the season.  I remember talking to a young mother last year.  She stated that she was sick of Christmas.  All her children did was whine and complain about what they wanted that year.  And this was two weeks before Christmas!  I walked away from the conversation very sad.  This was a young girl in our church who professed Christ.

Philippians 2:4 tells us, “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”  Christ gave His life for others and we are to follow in His example.  The reality is that we will never teach our children to give unless they see this portrayed in our own lives.  Like the saying goes, more is caught by children than taught.  If we are selfish and self centered during Christmas, our children will be as well.  But, if we live our lives in love as we are told in Romans 12:10, and “in honour preferring one another” our children will learn to do this as well.

Look around and pray as a family about opportunities to give this year.   Many people let their children pick a child from the Angel Tree or they will do Operation Shoe Box.  These are fun ways for the children to give.  On two different occasions we found out the ages of children in our local Baptist Children’s Home and bought them gifts.  You can also look for opportunities within your church.  Perhaps you could adopt a Missionary family and send them gifts.  Often times there are people in your own congregation who have no family and who would love to spend the holidays with your family.  Giving doesn’t always involve spending money.  Sometimes a homemade gift, card, or just your time mean more to people than anything else.  Consider the elderly this year.  There are many lonely and depressed people during the holidays that could use some love and encouragement.  What a great way to share the love of Christ.

We can buy our children toys that will be broke in a few weeks.  We can get them the latest fashions that will soon be outdated.  Or we can buy them gadgets and electronics, but in a few months there will be newer and better versions out there.  I’m not against giving gifts to my children (in fact, we already have them all bought), but why not give them something that will last.  Give them an opportunity to develop an attitude of giving, thankfulness, selflessness, and love for others.

“Remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive.”  (Act 20:35)

I’m Going to the Gym

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We are all aware that regular exercise is vital and essential for a healthy lifestyle.  Exercise supports physical and mental well being.  In addition to having better health, working out increases your energy level and reduces stress.  It’s important.  But let’s be honest…Who has the time?  Are we not busy enough?  On an average day my to-do-list is a mile long and I’m sure you are no different.  But there comes a time when you realize the benefits far outweigh the inconvenience and decide to make it a priority.  Dana and I came to that conclusion.  We signed up for a gym membership and have been faithfully (for the most part) going together each morning at 5 a.m.  My first goal was to make it a habit by going for 21 days.  Now that I have met this goal I am working on increasing my stamina.  I am walking on the treadmill for three miles and, in addition, every other day I use the machines to tone various muscles.

While exercise has value there is a truth to it.  I Timothy 4:8 states that “bodily exercise profiteth little.”  Exercise does profit, but only for a short duration.  If I stop going to the gym tomorrow, all the work that I have done up until now will be lost.  And even if I continue to exercise my entire life, the advantage I gain from it is for this life only.  There is no eternal compensation for physical exercise.  However, for the Christian there is an exercise that is profitable in all ways. 

“…exercise thyself rather unto godliness. For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come,” 1 Timothy 4:7-8.  Training ourselves in godliness will be beneficial in this world and the one to come.  Therefore, it seems to me that while I should continue to go to the gym each day, this spiritual exercise should be more of a priority in my life.

What does exercising unto godliness look like?  First, I Timothy 2:10 tells me how I should adorn myself as a Christian woman. “But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.”  Therefore, doing good works is a part of godliness.  This takes practice (training, exercise).  It takes a consistent effort (workout).  And it takes a child of God, with knowledge of God, to have the power to live with godliness.  “According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue,” 2 Peter 1:3.  We also are told that it is a process.  Just as becoming strong takes physical exercise, godliness takes diligent work step by step.  “And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness,” 2 Peter 1:5-6. 

I use to believe that going to the gym was just for those who were already fit and trim.  However, this is not the case.  While several of the people at the gym are in excellent shape, there are those there who are in terrible shape.  But they are striving nonetheless.  There is also a misconception that it is impossible to live godly in today’s world.   In truth, it is for the unbeliever, but for a child of God this is not true.  “For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ,” Titus 2:11-13.  We will not attain perfectly but we should be striving.  Why?  Because when we exercise unto godliness it is profitable for this life and in the one to come.

Lord, You know my heart’s desire to strive in my daily walk, to reach forth and press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling. Lord, help me to remember these truths, meditate upon them, and work them out in my life.  Help me to profess godliness and adorn myself with good works every day of my life.

Thanks-living

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 To write it down for the world to see, To speak of Your wondrous love,

How can I thank you for blessing me? For sending a Saviour from above?

Thank you God for having a plan, A sacrifice, a cross, a grave.

Thank you Lord for redeeming man, Without Christ who can be saved?

But because He rose victorious, abundant life I now will live.

Grace and love abounds glorious, which daily Lord you freely give.

To give thanks only one day a year, seems contrary to say the least,

For You my God are very near, not just during Thanksgiving feast.

Instead I’ll live a life of thanks-living, all year acknowledging how you bless.

And just one day set aside, for complaints and unthankfulness.

Nurturing Your Marriage – Part Four

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 The third key to nurturing your marriage is practical application of these truths previously mentioned.  Knowledge (knowing truth) is not enough; we need wisdom (applying truth) in our marriages.

Homeschooling mother, I know you are busy.  Life is demanding.  You are home all day teaching the children.  There is work to do, places to go, errands to run, a home to manage, lessons to be taught, projects to complete, and schedules to make and keep.  Some days bring many challenges and there are probably times when your husband walks in the door only to be greeted with chaos.  While these days are a reality, I have found that a conscience effort to manage my “office” well is very beneficial to our marriage.  I have always said that my career is my family.  It is my job, given to me by God.  Therefore, if my career is my family then my office is my home.  I’m going to take the liberty to speak for all the husbands out there.  They do not want to come home to a messy house with loud children running around.  They do not want to see dishes in the sink and laundry piled up in the living room.  The kitchen table does not need to be overrun with school books, paper, and computers.  There does not need to be a science project hanging in his bathroom either.  He doesn’t want to see the children dirty and unkempt. And he certainly does not want to see his wife in sweats and a t-shirt with a chili stain left over from lunch on the front of her shirt.  You husband wants to walk in the door and greeted by a smiling wife and children who are happy to see him.  The home needs to be orderly.  I am not saying it has to be immaculate, but it should be managed well.  A little care goes a long way in a home.  If your husband comes home every day at 6 p.m. make sure by 5 p.m. you have a plan for dinner, the house is somewhat picked up, the children are happy and quiet, and the schoolbooks are put away.  If you are not finished with schoolwork by 5 p.m. then you need to start your day sooner.  I am speaking from experience.  Trust me; I have had a few of these chaotic days.  But let me say that when my home is managed well things go much smoother.  It’s certainly worth the extra effort.

Another must for marriage is Date Night!  It is imperative that you spend at least one day a month out on a date with your husband.  Just to clarify, this means without the children.  You are old enough now that you do not need chaperones.  The dates do not have to be elaborate.  While that is nice every now and then, it is not necessary.  Date nights can be as simple as a hamburger from McDonalds and holding each other’s hand while walking through a store together.  The important thing is that you spend time together, talk, and enjoy each other’s company.  Date nights can also be at home.  Put the children to bed early or rent them a video, fix a late dinner, and light some candles.  Your children will appreciate the fact that their parents make time for each other.  And your husband will appreciate the fact that he has a wife that desires to spend time with him.

Communication is also essential to a thriving marriage.  Homeschooling is a big part of your life.  Make sure you and your husband communicate often about the children.  Typically the dad does not spend as much time with them as the mother does so he needs to be involved.  Let him know how they are doing academically.  Share their successes and their failures with him.  Let the dad oversee the direction of their schooling.  Do not make him feel bad for always being at work. Thank him for working hard so that you have the privilege to be able to stay home and homeschool the children.  It is common mistake to have the attitude of “Mother knows best” when it comes to the education of the children.  But, when it comes down to it, the father as head of the family will be held accountable by God for the direction of his family and the education of the children.

Finally, do not over commit.  It is easy to go through life doing good things and completely miss out on the best things.  Sports are good.  Ministry is good.  Homeschool groups and activities are good.  Hobbies and recreations are good.  But marriage is best.  Children are best.  Relationships are best.  Warm memories are best.  Don’t become so busy that you are exhausted all the time.  Don’t become too B.U.S.Y. (Bound Under Satan’s Yoke).  Don’t run around doing things and forget about people.  Make time for your husband and make it a priority.  Make plans to eat together as a family.  And make sure every now and then that it is at home at the kitchen table and not in the car running to your next activity.

Nurturing Your Marriage – Part Three

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Clear Priorities

A thriving biblical marriage can be characterized by having three priorities in place.  The first priority is to have a growing
relationship with God.  As I said in the previous post, God ordained marriage for His children.  Those outside of the faith cannot have a true biblical marriage.  Our relationship with
God should be preeminent.  C.S. Lewis said, “When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall
love my earthly dearest better than I do now.”  My husband and I have an understanding that God comes first in our life.  We’ll gladly settle for second place.  When we are each putting God first we are both moving in the same direction and our marriage is strengthened.

The second priority is a growing marriage.  Other than God, nothing should come before your marriage.  That includes your children, family, friends, or career.  The Christian marriage is like a triangle.  God is on top and the husband and wife at
each bottom corner.  The closer they get to God, the closer they get to each other.  The Scriptures declare, “A threefold cord is not quickly broken,” Ecclesiastes 4:12b. Wife, your husband should know that he is a priority in your life.  He should know that you understand and embrace your calling from God as help meet to him.  He should know that, next to God, nothing is more important to you on this earth than your relationship with him.  I like what Martin Luther said about marriage.  “Let the wife make the husband glad to come home and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” This is a God-honoring marriage that points other’s to Him.

The third priority is a growing relationship with the children.  Notice the order.  As precious as children are, they should not come before the marriage.  The home is
not to be “child-centered.”  If the children are the focus, what happens when they leave?  God’s design is for the children to eventually leave, cleave, and weave their own family together. Therefore, mother should not devote all of her time and energy to them.  She should save some for her husband.  Of course, this is not always easy to do.  It takes a lot of time and energy to raise children.  Homeschooling takes even more.  But the most wonderful gift you can give your children is a deep love for their father.  A strong marriage brings security to the home and an environment that children thrive in.

Tomorrow we will look at the third key to nurturing your marriage – practical application of these truths.

Nurturing Your Marriage – Part Two

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Recognizing Your Role

The first key to nurturing your marriage is recognizing your role as wife.  Modern society and the feminist agenda whisper lies into the ears of many Christian women.  One very subtle lie is that marriage is a corporate merger.  The idea is that you will bring in your career, assets, goals, and hobbies into the marriage and I’ll bring in my career, assets, goals, and hobbies and we’ll merge the two together.  What it looks like played out is the husband goes one way and the wife another.  They have two separate visions with two separate goals.  This idea is secular and worldly
and it destroys many marriages.

The biblical role of the wife is to be the help meet to her husband.  We are shown God’s perfect plan for marriage in Genesis chapter two.  When Adam is created God places him in the garden and gives him a job to do and a law to keep.  Adam was to work and tend to the garden.   But he needed help. “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him,” Genesis 2:18.  God did not created Adam and Eve together.  He created Adam, set him on his path, and then created Eve to come along side him to help accomplish all that he had set out to do.

Today, we see a different take on marriage.  It seems oppressive to say a wife’s job is to help her husband with his career, plans, goals, and dreams.  She should be seeking her own heart’s desire.  He should respect her need to be independent and they should both give and take in the marriage vision.  While that might sound good and noble, it is a distorted view of biblical marriage.  (Remember, marriage is for the saved.  God ordained marriage and the unregenerate cannot achieve marriage as He intended.  They do not know true love and they certainly cannot follow the mandates of Scripture.)  Here is what often happens in today’s society.  A husband has a vision and goes to work.  But, due to materialistically enslaving ourselves with homes, cars, and consumer debt, we are told that both husband and wife must bring in an income in order to survive.
So the wife becomes career focused and goes out into the world and works for another man or woman.  She spends her life building up the empire of another person.  She has taken on man’s curse to work by “the sweat of thy face.” She comes home over worked and exhausted, having no energy for her husband and her family.  She is no longer “husband focused”.  Because she is sharing in his role of providing, he now has
to step in and partner with his wife in tending to the children, managing the home, cleaning house, doing chores, etc.  While some Christian women willingly choose this way of life, I believe that deep down most women resent it.  I lay this problem mostly at the husband’s feet.  He should recognize his role as provider.  Unfortunately for them, most men have never been taught this.

Biblical marriage looks a little different.  The husband takes the responsibility to provide for his family. The wife comes along side to help him fulfill his goals.  Now, it might be that for a season she works for another in order to help her husband do this.  I am not implying this is wrong.  In no way am I saying that it is a sin for a Christian woman to work outside the home. (I will, however, say in confidence that it is God’s plan for mothers to be at home with their babies and young children and for her life to be centered on the home. Read Titus 2 and Proverbs 31.)  Her priority in life should be to help her husband achieve his goals.

Why would I as a Christian wife go out into this world and spend all my talents, time, and energy building up the kingdom of another man by working for him?   I would much rather spend my talents, time, and energy building up my husband’s kingdom.  When his kingdom is built, so is mine!   If we would step back and honestly look, we would see that most of society at best does not understand biblical marriage and at worse views biblical marriage in disdain.  Let me give you an example.  The other day my husband was talking to man at our church and turned to me and said, “We are going to have dinner up here Friday night at 7 p.m.  Please take care of that.”  I said, “Sure, no problem.”  Later the comment was made that this man felt sorry for me because my husband told me what to do and I had to do it.   Let me ask this.  If I worked as a secretary for another man and he turned to me one day and said, “We need a meal catered in for a board meeting, take care of it” would people feel sorry for me?  I don’t think so.  The thought would be that it is my job to do as I’m told.  But for some reason when a wife takes her role as “help meet” seriously it is perplexing to people.  Sadly, I believe it is partly due to the fact that biblical marriage is just not taught to Christians anymore.

Now, I realize that this article is addressing homeschooling mothers.  Most of them do have lives that are centered on the home.  However, it should be noted that just because you are not out in the world building up another’s kingdom, does not automatically mean that you are building up your husband’s kingdom.  Are you the help meet God intended?  Do you use your time and talents to help your husband achieve his goals?
Do you use your energy to further his kingdom?  Are you investing in the things that your husband wants you to invest in?  Are his plans for life your plans?  Or, are you both trying to achieve two separate goals in life?  Are you moving in two separate directions?  These are important questions to ask.

One of my favorite scriptures in Proverbs is, “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands,” Proverbs
14:1.  In order to build my house I must recognize my husband’s needs.  Automatically society will say, “No, no, no, you need to worry about
your own needs.”  But, a true understanding of “two becoming one” (Genesis 2:24) is that when I meet my husband’s needs, I am meeting mine.  Husbands have three basic needs – respect, sex, and food.  All of them are scriptural.  Ephesians 5:33 says, “see that she reverence her husband.”  This is the number one need of a husband.  Whether or not a man deserves respect is not the issue.  It is the position of husband that deserves respect. It is no different than respecting those in authority, like the president, because of their position.  The second need is sex.  Sex is only for marriage and by God’s design the wife is the only one that fulfills this need in her husband.  I Corinthians 7:3-5 explains this and the importance of it.  My husband will encourage husbands to give their wives 5 to 6 “non-sexual” hugs a day.  Women are built to need that.  But let me encourage women.  Your husband needs 1 sexual hug a day.  It truly makes for a great marriage.  The third basic need husbands have is
food.  They need it to survive.  I Corinthians 7:34 says, “she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.”  A husband that has respect, sex, and good food will be a blessed man indeed.  It will be easy to love and provide for a wife who joyfully meets all of these needs.

Part three in nurturing your marriage will address the second key– Having Clear Priorities.

Stop Calling It Church

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churchWhat do you think of when you hear the word church?

Perhaps you think of a religious building, worship service, denomination, or even all Christians.  However, this is not the correct meaning of the word.  In our church you will often hear the phrase, “The church is a people not a place.”  Where do we get this?  Actually, it is from the definition of the Greek word used for church, “ekklesia” (pronounced “ek-klay-sea’-ah”).  The word means a called-out assembly or congregation.   In older translations, like the Tyndale English Bible, you cannot even find the word “church”.  The word ekklesia is correctly translated as “congregation or assembly”.   Ekklesia is used 115 times in the New Testament and in most modern Bibles it is always translated as “church” except in Acts 19:32, 39, and 41 where it is properly translated as “assembly”.

So, what’s the big deal? Why does it matter?  It matters because a misunderstanding of the “church” has far reaching implications.  For example, there are those who claim that the church is all the saved.  However, if you use “ekklesia” and its correct definition of “called out assembly” what you are saying is that all the saved is an assembly that is called out.  Contextually “ekklesia” in the New Testament is a local and visible assembly of believers who congregate for a specific purpose.  The universal church is neither local nor visible and in order to be an assembly you have to be both.  So, if you want a name for all the saved, call them the family of God as stated in Ephesians 3:15, “Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named.”  A church must be local, visible, and assembled. Anything else is not a church.

We do see all the saved referred to universally in Revelations 21:9 as the “bride of Christ”.  However, it is interesting to note that at this time the rapture has occurred and all the saved are local, visible, and assembled together.

Another reason it matters is because when people misunderstand the true meaning of the word “church”, they misapply the practices of it.  An example would be “home church”.  While I understand the reason behind this movement it is still built on a cracked foundation.  You can read about that here. Those that “home church” gather the family, read scripture, pray, and sing songs of worship.  In truth, they are doing what God commands the family to do.  He does expect the father to lead his family spiritually.  This practice is what the older generations called a “Family Altar”.  This should be done daily.  But don’t call it “church”.  It is not the assembly.  Every Christian family should worship daily and then, throughout the week, gather with other like-minded believers for corporate worship. “Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;) And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.”  (Heb 10:23-25) 

The practices of the local assembly do not work within a single family
unit.   For example, church discipline as commanded in scripture is impossible in a single family unit.  In a “home”  setting the Pastoral Epistles that Paul wrote become unnecessary.  Church ordinances such as baptism and communion are not individual ordinances and the word “fellowship” assumes a gathering or congregation. In addition, the roles of men and women within the assembly (as found in I Timothy) would not apply either. However, in scripture we do see a family of families assembling together as a local unit.  This is necessary to fulfill the role of the ekklesia.

Words do matter.  The study of words in the Bible is foundational to accurate exegesis.  Let’s be true to the word “ekklesia” and use it correctly.