Guilt ….Good or Bad?

October 9, 2013Leave a comment

I did not pack enough bags for this guilt trip! I am not to blame and will certainly not feel bad about this! I wish they would stop making me feel so guilty. Have you ever said these words or had these thoughts? It is likely that if you are over the age of 3 that you have. No one likes to feel guilty. It’s an ugly feeling that starts in the bottom of your stomach and lingers until resolved. Sometimes we bring it on ourselves. Sometimes it is others in our life that seems content to constantly push guilt and shame our way. It is in these moments in life when a single word or look, like a sharp knife, slices thorough our emotions only to leave a sinking feeling of culpability behind.

Seeing that guilt leaves such an ugly mark, one would think that it is a bad thing, bad indeed and something to be avoided at all cost.

But is it all terrible? Can guilt be beneficial? Is it good or is it bad? The answer is yes.

The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 3:13, “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.”

What things do you think Paul had to forget? Was it his accomplishments in the flesh before salvation? Maybe so. After all he was a Pharisee of all Pharisees. But just maybe it was his past sins. After all, I can only imagine the guilt of his past must have plagued him. Maybe those things that were behind him were the memories of the many Christians that suffered and died at his own hands. We all know how easy it is to feel guilty about past sins. God forgives and forgets. We try to, but yet Satan never does. The enemy loves to bring our faults and failures back up to us. It is this type of guilt that is bad, guilt from our past that has already been forgiven.

But some guilt is necessary. The law of God makes the unbeliever guilty. “Now we know that what things soever the law saith, it saith to them who are under the law: that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God,” Romans 3:19.

Likewise, when a believer sins it is accompanied with guilt. “For I am ready to halt, and my sorrow is continually before me. For I will declare mine iniquity; I will be sorry for my sin,” Psalm 38:17-18. This type of guilt is good. It is a necessary emotion given to us by God. Picture it as a “check engine light” on the dashboard of your car. It brings to your attention a problem under the hood. It should be used to help us acknowledge our sins. It should drive us to repentance. But once we have done that we need to leave our guilt at the cross.

Here is a sure way to tell if guilt is good or bad. Bad guilt – the kind that we need to let go of – will always push us away from God. It brings shame and makes us self focused. It hinders our spiritual walk and makes us ineffective for the Kingdom. However, be sure that good, godly, healthy guilt will drive us strait to the arms of God as His mercy and grace floods our hearts.

Image courtesy of graur codrin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Learning to say “No”

October 4, 2013October 4, 20172 Comments

Some days are busier than others. One day in particular comes to mind. It began at 4:30 a.m. with a trip to the gym with my husband. We came home. I fixed breakfast and sent him off to work. The next two hours were spent in my office writing. I tore myself away to get started on the day’s lessons. I helped my youngest son with his reading, math, writing, Bible, science and history. I instructed the older children in their language program and history and oversaw their math and other work. We rushed to finish our lessons because we had a full afternoon of errands. I needed to run by my husband’s office, Walmart, Autozone, Post Office, Library, deliver a gift to a friend, and get my hair cut at the salon. But I could not linger in town, because I needed to get back home for a scheduled Skype meeting. After my meeting, my daughter asked me to sit down with her to help her make some jewelry. The dog needed a haircut. We had planned a church fellowship at our home the following evening, so I still needed to work on food, games and clean the house. All of this was before dinner.

As a wife and homeschool mother, more often than not, I will have days like this. It was certainly productive, but the day had me spent. I have learned that a schedule like this for very long leaves me overwhelmed. When that happens my children do not get to experience my best side, my energy gets used up, and there is nothing left for my husband at the end of the day.

In contrast, I have had days that were the direct opposite to this one. These are the more unproductive days where I don’t fit a lot into (with maybe the exception of an afternoon nap). Obviously, extremes are dangerous; so I am striving to learn how to live a life of balance. I want my life to be filled with activity, for laziness is a sin. But, I do not want to be so B.U.S.Y. that I am Bound Under Satan’s Yoke. I want to teach my children to be diligent with strong work ethics. But, I also want them to learn how to be still and quiet at times. I want our family to be servants. I want us to give of ourselves to our church, friends, family, and neighbors. But, I also want it to be with the proper perspective and attitude.

There must be a balance. My problem is that I swing far to the side of always saying “Yes” when many times I should be saying “No”. When I try to do too much I end up doing all of it in a mediocre fashion and none of it with excellence. Priorities must be not only set, but kept. I thank the Lord that I have a husband who encourages me in this area. He often reminds me that outside of my relationship with the Lord, my number one priority is the home. Of course, a lot of responsibilities fall under this category including being my husband’s suitable helper, teaching and training the children, and overseeing all the affairs of the household. Everything else comes in second including our church, my writing, marketing, hobbies and recreation.

The other day I was enjoying an extended lunch with a dear friend. This subject was one that we kept going back to. As women we often know that we need to say “No”, but for some reason we find it difficult. Some women need that sense of busyness to validate their position. This can be especially true for stay-at-home moms. Some do not want to disappoint others. Some simply like all the frantic activity. And, some have never been told that saying “No” was not only perfectly acceptable but good for them and their families. We laughed and visited over eggs rolls and spicy chicken and two hours later decided it was time to get back to the reality of life. We hugged and as we headed to our cars I called out, “Don’t forget, a “No” a day keeps the stress away!”

What does your day look like? Is it stress free? Our Lord has the answer. “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light,” Matthew 11:28-30.

When There is No Light

September 28, 2013September 28, 20172 Comments

Darkness can be scary. I often feel like the small child who said, “I’m not afraid of the dark, just the things that are in the dark.”

Sometimes we walk in dark places. Sometimes we fear what those dark places will bring. We seek for an answer and sometimes it is not clear. It might even at times seem as if God is not there. The Psalmist described these dark times as weeping in the night. Paul equated it to a thorn in the flesh. James defines it as trying of our faith. Peter calls our affliction fiery trials. And Jesus referred to dark times as tribulations. Every child of God goes through them – trials, tests, and troubles.

So, what should we do when we walk in these dark places?

“Who is among you that feareth the LORD, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light?”

I am learning that I should never doubt in the dark what God has shown me in the light.

He has shown me that while weeping may endure for a night, joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5).
He has shown me that while I might be given a thorn in the flesh, His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 9:12).
He has shown me that while my faith has been tried, it brings patience to my life (James 1:3).
He has shown me that while fiery trials are hard, they are no strange thing (1 Peter 4:12).
He has shown me that while we will have tribulations in this world that we should be of good cheer. Jesus has overcome the world (John 16:33).

“Who is among you that feareth the LORD, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light? let him trust in the name of the LORD, and stay upon his God.” Isaiah 50:10

The answer is right there: We are to trust in the name of the Lord and lean upon Him. No matter what that dark place looks like, we know that God is there. He will never leave his children or forsake them. Maybe for you the path is clear and the light is bright. Praise Him during this time. But maybe the day grows dim and the shadows appear. Remember, dear child, do not doubt in the dark what God has already shown you in the light.

Faithfulness in a Faithless World

September 15, 20132 Comments

In 1993 we stood before God and witnesses to pledge our love and faithfulness to one another. Over the last twenty years, we have endeavored to have a marriage built on these values and be a testimony of this devotion. It is a grand undertaking. And while the thought of love is common and easy to recognize, faithfulness can be multifaceted. Just what does it mean to be faithful? Are there levels of faithfulness? Why is it important? And how does faithfulness affect a marriage?

The dictionary defines faithfulness as unwavering in belief, consistently loyal, or not adulterous. There is the horizontal side to faithfulness that is between a husband and wife. This is what most people think of when they think of being faithful in marriage. It encompasses the physical, emotional, and mental aspect of marriage. However, there is also the faithfulness that a Christian couple has to God. This is the vertical (or spiritual) side of faithfulness. Both components of faithfulness are essential in marriage.

Because marriage is ordained by God the enemy seeks to destroy it, government demeans it, and society distorts it. Satan will use any means necessary to wreck marriage. This has been a goal from the beginning. We also see marriage degraded by government through legislation that seeks to redefine marriage or laws that allow no fault divorce. Then the culture is constantly pushing against God’s ideal for husbands and wives by actively perverting and twisting marriage via movies, television programs, magazines, and music. As influential as these factors are, you might ask what Christians can possibly due to push back. Perhaps the most profound way to effect change is to have a biblically based, God-honoring, faithful marriage.

Faithfulness is downplayed by the world, but we know that it is God’s plan for a beautiful marriage. So let’s look at 5 thoughts that will uphold a biblical view of faithfulness in marriage.

A Proper Perspective

One day our family was traveling down the road and talking about marriage with our children. Our oldest son had a friend with him who replied, “I’m never going to get married. I want to be single my whole life.” Our youngest son (who was 6 years old at the time) commented, “You are single when you get married.” We assured him that a married man was not single to which he adamantly responded, “Yes you are, two becomes one!”

“From the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh,” Mark 10:6-8. Having a proper perspective means that we understand that as husband and wife, we are no longer two but one. That means when a husband loves his wife, he loves himself. When a wife is faithful to her husband, she is in essence being faithful to herself. When one is built up, they are both built up. When one rejoices, they both rejoice. Understanding that “two becomes one” revolutionizes a marriage.

Honesty is the Best Policy

The father of lies says that a little white lie will not hurt a marriage. Even the world whispers that it is okay to hide things from our spouse. But does the world have our best interest in mind? Is the great deceiver seeking to protect marriages? Secrets, lies, dishonesty, and unfaithfulness to one another will destroy a marriage. A husband and wife need to communicate, speak the truth in love, and be faithful to one another through their words and deeds. We have counseled with many couples who are on the verge of divorce because one spouse was betrayed by lies. It takes years to rebuild trust in a relationship and sometimes it can never be rebuilt. “He that speaketh truth sheweth forth righteousness: but a false witness deceit,” Proverbs 12:17. Let our marriages be governed by honesty.
Being truthful to your spouse is a fruit of true love; it shows your love for them. “Let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth,” 1 John 3:18.

Eyes for Only You

Adultery is a devastating act of unfaithfulness both horizontally and vertically. When King David took the wife of Uriah, his betrayal was to a loyal and faithful servant that eventually led to murder. But ultimately his unfaithfulness was to God. “And David said unto Nathan, I have sinned against the LORD,” 2 Samuel 12:13a.

What led to this act of adultery? The Bible says that David saw, coveted, and took. It began with his eyes. Job, a man who was, “perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil,” (Job 1:1) understood this. He said, “I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid? (Job 31:1).

Looking lustfully at the opposite sex (whether in person, on TV, in the movies, or online) is infidelity of the heart. Jesus said, “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart,” Matthew 5:28. But sadly, because we have become so desensitized by our immodest culture, we hardly recognize it. Subtle temptations abound all around us. For a couple to uphold faithfulness in marriage they must shield their eyes and guard their hearts. To do this not only shows faithfulness, but also great honor toward one another.

What Impact Am I Making?

The world is speaking one thing. What is our faithfulness (or unfaithfulness) speaking to those around us? Not every marriage has believing partners. Should a husband have an unbelieving wife, his faithfulness to her could be what brings her to Christ. The same applies for Christian wives with unbelieving husbands. “For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?,” 1 Corinthians 7:16.

Likewise, our testimony of faithfulness speaks volumes to our children. Theodore Hesburgh is credited for saying, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” You cannot have love without faithfulness. In addition, a faithful marriage is a testimony to the world for God’s glory. Understanding the impact we can have on our spouse, children, those around us, and the lost greatly motivates believers to live in a faithful manner.

Keep God Preeminent

A husband and wife can be faithful to each other, but still be unfaithful to God in their marriage. This is done by focusing more on things of the world than on things above. “If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth,” Colossians 3:1-2. God should never be an add-on in our marriage. He should be the very foundation upon which our marriage is built. It becomes very easy for God to lose His place of importance in day to day activities. Therefore, we must be intentional in keeping God preeminent in our marriage. Great is God’s faithfulness to us (Lamentations 3:23), so let us be faithful to Him in devotion and action, giving Him glory through our marriage.

By having a proper perspective, speaking the truth in love, making a covenant with our eyes, understanding the impact we are making, and keeping God preeminent, faithfulness will be upheld in our marriage. This does not mean that it will be easy, for the enemy is against us; the world is against us; and even our own weak flesh battles against us. But in Christ we are victorious! He has already overcome the enemy (Revelation 20:10). Those that are born of God have overcome the world (1 John 5:4). And as children of God, our flesh has been defeated (Romans 6:6).

Faith During the Hard Times

August 16, 2013September 28, 2017Leave a comment

Trials are a part of everyone’s life. It is not a matter of if they will come, but when. Jesus told us in John 16:33 that we would have tribulation. Paul said in 2 Timothy 3:12 that all those that lived godly in Christ would suffer persecution. While this message warning contradicts today’s popular messages of health, wealth and prosperity, it is true. It is in trials and tribulations that we are molded and shaped into holiness. It is in the refining of the fire that we become pure.

So, how do you deal with trials in your life? Do you complain about the circumstances or rejoice with thanksgiving? Do you advertise your trials or bear them quietly? Do you indulge in self pity seeking sympathy from others or submerge yourself in service to others? I have to answer, yes! I’ve done all of those. Do not misunderstand. When we go through trials it is no small thing. But it is very easy to complain and become self focused. While trials are not fun, it is important to remember the many reasons we have them. Focusing upon the work that God is doing in our lives helps us through trials.

Trials humble us.

Trials wean us from our dependence of worldly things.

Trials make us heavenly minded.

Trials reveal what we really love.

Trials teach us to value God’s blessings.

Trials develop enduring strength for greater usefulness in the Kingdom.

Trials enable us to help others during their trials.

Trials test the strength of our faith.

It is through trials that our faith is strengthened. My husband always reminds me that the simplest definition of faith is “having confidence in the trustworthiness of God.”

How trustworthy is God? He will never fail me. He is always faithful. He has never left me or forsaken me. And He always does what is best. Our Father is faithful!

To learn more about God’s faithfulness, check out Living Out the Word: Faith, a verse-by-verse study through the book of James.

“My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed,” James 1:2-6.

Never use a big word when a DIMINUTIVE one will do.

August 13, 2013Leave a comment

I came across this witty saying the other day and it caught my attention. Obviously, the intent is to speak an absurdity in order to point out the absurd.

While the point was taken, this statement made me ponder. How often do people unknowingly do this very thing? In other words, the very act of what is being done is contrary to the very words that are being spoken. An example of this would be a child telling another one, “You’re a stupid- name-caller and you shouldn’t call people names” or perhaps, someone screaming, “WE DON’T SCREAM IN THIS HOME!!!!” A woman teaching men the passage in I Timothy 2:12 within the church or an unfaithful man counseling men on how to love their wives are examples. All of these actions are counterproductive.

Never use a big word when a diminutive one will do. This is what we do as Christians when our lifestyle contradicts our very name. Catch that? When I live in a way that contradicts the name I am called, in essence, I am doing the very same thing. Christian – it mean’s Christ-like. The disciples were first called Christians in Antioch (Acts 11:26). It wasn’t that they were going around calling themselves Christian. The world looked at their lifestyle and said, ‘Those people act just like Christ.’ In light of all of this it made me think. The word “Christian” is thrown around and misused to the point that no one understands its meaning. What if the majority of Americans didn’t call themselves Christian? What if people didn’t associate the word Christian with someone who just goes to church on Sunday or “claims” to know God?

What if you were only called a “Christian” if you only acted like Christ? What if a person was only known as a Christian that only did the things Christ did? Would I then be called a Christian? He is my example and if my lifestyle does not reflect the same lifestyle that Christ lived then I should not be called a Christian. Otherwise, there is a contradiction. So I search my heart and ask God to reveal His truth to me. Am I striving? That is certainly my heart’s desire. I must never forget that people are watching. Am I reaching forth toward the goal? Again, that is my desire. To be like Him is the goal and He alone is worthy. Is my light shining before men? Are others seeing my good works so that God gets glory (Matthew 5:16)? Am I living a consistent Christian life? Because otherwise why call myself Christian when the word hypocrite will do?

“And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?” Luke 6:46

5 Important Reminders for the Upcoming School Year

August 7, 20138 Comments

With school just a few weeks away I have a lot of my mind. This year I have children in 11^th, 9^th, and 5^th grade to teach. It’s high time to get the books out, start on lesson plans, make schedules, buy supplies, and more. But in the midst of it all, I want to remind myself of 5 very important things.

Relationships trump everything else!

The relationship we have with God and the relationship we have with others is really the only thing that matters from an eternal perspective. The greatest commandment sums it up with love. “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets,” Matthew 22:36-40. Life is about relationships. Does our homeschooling foster this idea?

Stop comparing our family to everyone else!

God’s plan for our life is the standard all must seek. God created each of us (and our family) in a unique way. Unless we embrace our differences and seek out God’s will for our family, we will constantly struggle in this area. We are all striving to live our life and raise our family in a way that is pleasing to Him. Some are simply further down the road than others. Some have been traveling longer. Some travel at a faster pace. And some take a different path altogether. My life will not look like yours. Your life will not look like mine. But let each of us look like Christ. If we are going to compare our lives with anyone, let it be His! “He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he walked,” 1 John 2:6.

Have fun and love to learn!

I can get so caught up in teaching my children something that I completely miss the point. I am trying to cultivate a love for learning in them. I need to remember that this will never be done by drilling facts or figures into their head. We are so blessed in that we have the freedom in how we teach our children. In that we can make learning interesting. Smile, laugh, and enjoy learning together! You’ll be surprised at how much more that will retain. “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord,” Colossians 3:23a.

Don’t become too busy; live the simple life!

I understand that learning can take place in the car, library, at co-op’s, and during field trips. In addition, our children can be involved in jobs, ministry, sports, music lessons, volunteer work, and more. We have the world as our classroom and opportunities abound for our children, but we cannot do it all. It is not really an issue of whether or not we can do it all. The issue is that we shouldn’t even try. In truth, the home is an important aspect of home education. In the excitement of planning for this upcoming year, I really want to remember that sometimes “busy” can stand for “Bound Under Satan’s Yoke.” “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour,” 1 Peter 5:8.

Don’t forget why we are doing this!

There are many reasons we homeschool our children. I could talk about the educational value, the protection it offers, the positive impact it has on the family, the freedom and flexibility it offers, and so much more. But the bottom line is that God has called my husband and me to disciple our children by His Word and in His ways. Simply put, homeschooling makes the process a lot easier. For now, this is the will of God for our family and being in His will is exactly where we want to be.

“ And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God,” Romans 12:2.

What Are We Communicating?

August 5, 2013August 5, 20133 Comments

One of the couples in our church celebrated their 65^th wedding anniversary this year. Even as I type this, I have a hard time comprehending the longevity of their marriage. Sixty-five years is a long time. By any standard it’s quite an accomplishment. Very few marriages last that long. In fact, fewer and fewer marriages seem to be lasting at all. In the past month alone I have counseled with two different women who were struggling in their marriage. In both cases, the husband and wife were Christians. And in both cases, their marriage was falling apart. Each woman had similar complaints. They did not talk anymore. They felt like they were living separate lives under the same roof. And the love and respect in the marriage was gone.

Communication plays a major role in marriage. Without it marriages fail. Likewise, without healthy communication marriages will fail as well. Each problem in the above example was a communication issue. They might have communicated with each other to an extent, but it was an unhealthy form of communication. They lacked proper communication in their words, in behavior, and in attitude. Or, you could say the problem was in the things they said, the things they did, and the things they thought.

The Meaning

To have a healthy, godly marriage it is vital that we understand healthy communication. Merriam-Webster’s dictionary gives the definition of communication as “a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.” Communication is more than talking. It is expressing yourself through words and actions. It is articulating clearly the thoughts of your heart. A husband can communicate to his wife that she is not important by his words.

“I don’t care what you say; I’m doing it my way!”

“Sweetheart, I love you and your input is very important to this marriage. Tell me what you think.”

When a wife ignores the requests of her husband she communicates to him through her actions that she doesn’t respect him. Or, through positive, loving actions she can communicate great respect. It is important to remember that communication is always two-sided. Let me ask this. Which blade on a pair of scissors is the most important? Communication is like this. It takes both sides to accomplish anything.

The Method

Healthy communication is the conduit Christian couples use to build strong, godly marriages. While communication comes in all forms, there is no stronger form of communication than the words we say. Proverbs 18:21 declares that, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Our words can be used for great evil or great good. Our words can tear down or they can build up. Wives are warned in Scripture that “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands,” Proverbs 14:1. And Jesus warns that “every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment,” Matthew 12:36.

More marriages have been destroyed by careless words than perhaps any other thing. In the book of James we are given three illustrations of the power of our tongue. The tongue is like a bit we put in a horse’s mouth that controls the whole horse. It is like a “very small helm” (rudder or wheel) that controls a large ship. And it is compared to a spark of fire. (James 3:3-6) It is small in size, but large in nature. The passage continues to say, “But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison,” James 3:8. It is true. No man can tame the tongue. Have you ever heard these words?

“I just couldn’t help what I said!”
“She makes me so mad. The hurtful words just came out!”
“He brings out the worst in me!”

Have you ever said them? No, we cannot control our tongue. It is impossible, for out of the abundance of the heart man speaks. However, the good news for us is that God can and does control the words of his children. “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good,” Luke 6:45.

As children of God we have two options. We can choose to walk in the flesh, fulfilling our own selfish desires. But be warned, if we choose this path our marriages will be filled with envying and strife (James 3:14-16). Or, we can walk in the Spirit with the wisdom of God. “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy,” James 3:17. The method we choose will help to determine the outcome of our marriage.

The Motivation

We have seen that healthy communication is essential to a strong, biblical marriage, but it is not enough. To have a successful marriage we must have the proper motivation. What motivates you as a wife? What motivates you as a husband? Do you want a good marriage for the sake of your children? Do you want a good marriage so you can be happy? Is your desire in marriage centered on selfish motives? These questions need to be asked. I have heard it said that one of the biggest problems we make is making marriage about “me” instead of “we.” This is a good point. Most problems, including a lack of communication, stem from selfishness. But, for the Christian, I will go even further. To have a true, biblical marriage our focus should not be on “we” but on “He”. For the Christian couple, Jesus Christ should be our motivation behind having a strong, biblical marriage.

Let me explain. In Ephesians 5:22-33 God lays out the beautiful picture of a godly marriage. It looks like this:

Wives submit to your husband (verse 22).
Husbands love your wives (verse 25).
The husband and wife is no longer two, but one flesh (verse 31).

Then, in the next verse, God gives the motivation behind marriage. “This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church,” Ephesians 5:32. Your marriage here on earth is a picture of the heavenly marriage between the Lord and His bride. When Christian couples have unhealthy, failing marriages they are depicting to the world a distorted picture of Christ and His church. Wives are to submit to their husbands “as unto the Lord.” It’s all about Him! Husbands are to love their wives, “even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” It’s all about Him! When we view our marriage in light of the testimony we are giving to the unsaved world, it greatly motivates us to have a God-pleasing marriage. You see, once again communication plays a vital role in marriage. Every marriage is communicating something to the world. Dear Christian couple, just what is your marriage communicating to those around you? Healthy communication is designed to build and strengthen the godly marriage. In turn, a godly marriage illustrates to the world a beautiful picture of the perfect heavenly marriage. In both, God receives all the honor and glory.

Loving Your Spouse in Deed & Truth

August 3, 2013Leave a comment

Did you know that in 1^st John we see 46 different forms of the word love? I have been teaching through this book to our ladies during our Monday night Bible study. Love envelops the Epistles of John. It not only adorns this book, but is a consistent theme throughout the entire Word of God.

We have been learning that love is more than an emotion. While emotion is attached to love, it is in actuality an act of the will. We choose to love. And while a person wants to be told they are loved; they want to be shown even more. Therefore, true love is active, not passive. We are told in 1 John 3:18, “Let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.” So let’s take a look at what loving our spouse in deed and truth looks like. (With special thanks to my husband who has written the part for men.)

Wife

My husband says that most men are fairly easy to please. They basically need three things – food, sex, and respect (and not necessarily in that order). While this may be true and is certainly a good starting point, there are many ways a wife can show love on a daily basis. The way you show your husband love will probably look different than the way I show my husband love. So do not use the below list as an excuse for falling into the trap of comparison. This is always detrimental to a marriage. Instead, use these suggestions as a means of sparking your creative imagination and love your husband in a way that makes him see the truth in Proverbs 18:22. “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.”

Create an atmosphere of peace in the home.
Pray for his life and success daily.
Help him maintain male friendships by allowing him time away with the boys.
When he has had a hard day, romance him in the evening.
Praise him in public.
Save money in a jar and buy him something he really wants.
Build him up in the eyes of your children. Make him their greatest hero.
When he asks you to do something, do it with pleasure.
Support his life ambitions in both word and deed.
Fix his favorite meal or dessert on occasion.
Don’t complain.
Be quick to say I’m sorry and even quicker to forgive.
Be a woman he can trust. Don’t share more than you should with others.
When he arrives home from work, allow him some quiet time before discussing the day.
Maintain your health and beauty.
Pray for his weaknesses, praise his strengths.
Put your husband before your children and make sure he knows that he will always hold that place.
Always express thankfulness for all he does for your family whether it is big or small.
The next time you are tempted to usurp his authority, don’t.
Surround yourself with friends who want to see your marriage last and listen to them.
Speak kindly and watch the tone of your voice. Avoid being loud or whiny.
Be there in his hour of need.
Be content with what you have, not always demanding more.
Be slow to speak and quick to listen.
Drop an encouraging note or scripture in his lunch or brief- case.
Send romantic texts (just make sure it goes to the right person).
Treat him with respect and teach the children to do the same.
Begin each day with a hug. End each night with a kiss.
Add to this list continually.

Husband

Husbands before you read the list below, prayerfully consider that your wife is a precious vessel in which to treasure and that this list is not a checklist to say, “Okay I have done my part”, but a guide to help reaffirm her as your “help meet.” She was created from the man, not from his head to rule over him, nor from his foot to be subjugated by him, but from his side to be his close ally and trusted confidant. As her husband the Bible commands you to “wash her with the water of the word” this means to speak into her life and help her live through the scriptures you share with her day by day. The word husband is the word used to be a dresser of vines, one who cultivates and not that of dictator or tyrant. You are her spiritual head and it is your loving obligation to lead her into the truth of God’s Word together. Now consider some of the following to help strengthen her first, and your own position of authority second:

After the kids are in bed, slow dance by candlelight or firelight.
Do something around the house that your wife usually does.
Take up a new hobby or interest together or share those you already have.
Praise your wife in front of the children.
Be trustworthy.
Pray with and for your wife.
Exercise together.
Be the Spiritual leader you are called to be by reading scripture together.
Let her talk. Be slow to speak, quick to listen.
Keep pictures of your family in your wallet or around the office.
Be the sole provider for your family.
Schedule a monthly (or weekly, if possible) date with your wife.
Write her love letters.
Fill her car up with gas when it’s low.
Make your anniversary very special.
Send her flowers on your children’s birthdays.
Encourage her to spend time with godly women.
Always express thankfulness for all she does for the family whether it is big or small.
Use physical affection often -a hand on the shoulder, neck rub, stroke on the cheek, etc.
Watch the tone of your voice. Be kind, don’t yell.
Always forgive.
Be a good father to your children.
Let her sleep in occasionally and serve her favorite breakfast in bed.
Add to this list continually.

Note: Looking for a study on love from 1st John? Click here for a verse by verse study for women through the Epistles of John.

Exciting News!

July 29, 2013August 13, 2013Leave a comment

Homeschooling friends,

I am so excited to share with you about my newest book!

Home Discipleship is about the discipleship process we find all throughout Scripture applied to the home. It covers the biblical mandate we have as parents, the structure of the Christian home, how to keep the proper perspective, fundamentals and practicalities of home discipleship, and addresses how a homeschooling lifestyle can help parents accomplish this very objective.

If you are a homeschooler, have ever considered homeschooling, or know of someone who does you can use this coupon code 7G3P48KT to receive 25% off, making the total cost per book under $9. Offer available through August!

Seeing that guilt leaves such an ugly mark, one would think that it is a bad thing, bad indeed and something to be avoided at all cost.

But is it all terrible? Can guilt be beneficial? Is it good or is it bad? The answer is yes.

The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 3:13, “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.”

But some guilt is necessary. The law of God makes the unbeliever guilty. “Now we know that what things soever the law saith, it saith to them who are under the law: that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God,” Romans 3:19.

Relationships trump everything else!

Stop comparing our family to everyone else!

Have fun and love to learn!

Don’t become too busy; live the simple life!

Don’t forget why we are doing this!

Did you know that in 1st John we see 46 different forms of the word love? I have been teaching through this book to our ladies during our Monday night Bible study. Love envelops the Epistles of John. It not only adorns this book, but is a consistent theme throughout the entire Word of God.

Wife

Create an atmosphere of peace in the home.

Pray for his life and success daily.

Help him maintain male friendships by allowing him time away with the boys.

When he has had a hard day, romance him in the evening.

Praise him in public.

Save money in a jar and buy him something he really wants.

Build him up in the eyes of your children. Make him their greatest hero.

When he asks you to do something, do it with pleasure.

Support his life ambitions in both word and deed.

Fix his favorite meal or dessert on occasion.

Don’t complain.

Be quick to say I’m sorry and even quicker to forgive.

Be a woman he can trust. Don’t share more than you should with others.

When he arrives home from work, allow him some quiet time before discussing the day.

Maintain your health and beauty.

Pray for his weaknesses, praise his strengths.

Put your husband before your children and make sure he knows that he will always hold that place.

Always express thankfulness for all he does for your family whether it is big or small.

The next time you are tempted to usurp his authority, don’t.

Surround yourself with friends who want to see your marriage last and listen to them.

Speak kindly and watch the tone of your voice. Avoid being loud or whiny.

Be there in his hour of need.

Be content with what you have, not always demanding more.

Be slow to speak and quick to listen.

Drop an encouraging note or scripture in his lunch or brief- case.

Send romantic texts (just make sure it goes to the right person).

Treat him with respect and teach the children to do the same.

Begin each day with a hug. End each night with a kiss.

Add to this list continually.

Husband

After the kids are in bed, slow dance by candlelight or firelight.

Do something around the house that your wife usually does.

Take up a new hobby or interest together or share those you already have.

Praise your wife in front of the children.

Be trustworthy.

Pray with and for your wife.

Exercise together.

Be the Spiritual leader you are called to be by reading scripture together.

Let her talk. Be slow to speak, quick to listen.

Keep pictures of your family in your wallet or around the office.

Be the sole provider for your family.

Schedule a monthly (or weekly, if possible) date with your wife.

Write her love letters.

Fill her car up with gas when it’s low.

Make your anniversary very special.

Send her flowers on your children’s birthdays.

Encourage her to spend time with godly women.

Always express thankfulness for all she does for the family whether it is big or small.

Use physical affection often -a hand on the shoulder, neck rub, stroke on the cheek, etc.

Watch the tone of your voice. Be kind, don’t yell.

Always forgive.

Be a good father to your children.

Let her sleep in occasionally and serve her favorite breakfast in bed.

Add to this list continually.

Note: Looking for a study on love from 1st John? Click here for a verse by verse study for women through the Epistles of John.

Homeschooling friends,

I am so excited to share with you about my newest book!

If you are a homeschooler, have ever considered homeschooling, or know of someone who does you can use this coupon code 7G3P48KT to receive 25% off, making the total cost per book under $9. Offer available through August!

Click here to order.

Click here see what people are saying.

Click here to read a chapter overview.

Did you know that in 1^st John we see 46 different forms of the word love? I have been teaching through this book to our ladies during our Monday night Bible study. Love envelops the Epistles of John. It not only adorns this book, but is a consistent theme throughout the entire Word of God.