Tag: marriage

18 and 14

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Yesterday my husband and I celebrated our 18th Anniversary and I celebrated my 14th Mother’s Day!    My husband came home Friday with flowers and informed me that he was taking me out. We had a wonderful evening together.  We spent Saturday together as a family and then spent yesterday with our church family.  We had a blessed service.  Yesterday afternoon we spent the day with some friends -another pastor and his family.  They, too, live far away from their family.  We enjoyed a good meal, visited, and let the children swim.  (The only downfall was that I could not spend the day with my mother and family in Arkansas.  But she was in my thoughts and prayers all day long.)

It seems only appropriate to celebrate our Anniversary and Mother’s day together.  Without 18 wonderful years of marriage, I couldn’t enjoy the 14 blessed years of motherhood.  The high calling of being a wife and mother surpasses all others.  There is no nobler task than to strive to be a godly wife and helpmeet to my husband.  And there is no higher commission than that of bringing up children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.   My husband is my champion and he makes being a wife and mother a complete joy.  He only expects from me what my Lord expects from me.  “…to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed,” Titus 2:4-5.   

 Thank you, my love, for 18 years.  We have experienced many mountain tops and have grown closer to the Lord and each other through many valleys.  I love you more today than ever before.

 To my three blessings, you each bring joy to my life.  I love you all dearly!

Higher Grounds

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“What are you preaching this morning?” I asked my husband.  We were sitting alone at the breakfast table.  We had just finished our breakfast of bacon, eggs, and toast and were now sipping our coffee and talking.  I held my coffee and listened to him share with me what he was going to preach to a group of young pastors in a few hours.  As I held my coffee I whiffed the fragment aroma.  I cherish mornings like these.  The children were still asleep, the phone had not starting ringing, no one needed our attention, and laundry could wait.  This was our time.  We both seemed deliberate in taking our time this morning.  We sipped slowly not wanting the moment to end.  We talked about life, our children, and the precious things of God. It is not that these moments are few.  You see, we make a point every morning to have this time alone.  We grow closer.  Our marriage becomes stronger.  Life becomes sweeter. 

As I sat there this morning thanking the Lord for my husband and our blessed life together I wondered how many people experience the joy of marriage.  How many people take time each day to cultivate their relationship with their spouse?  How many husbands talk, share, and communicate with their wives?  How many wives purposefully make time for their husbands each morning?  How many couples spend time each day talking about the Word of God?  I hope many do.  I pray those reading this do.  In the end very few things will matter.  How busy we were, our homes, our cars, our careers, and our stuff will all be in vain someday.  However, our marriage is well worth nurturing.

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with the according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”  I Peter 3:7

When Bible Study is Wrong

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Humor me a moment as I describe my perfect morning. After a good nights rest I would get out of bed by 5:30 a.m., pour a cup of coffee and sit down in the living room with a blanket, my Bible, and prayer journal. When I first wake I like it quiet. Don’t talk to me. I want to spend a few minutes slowly waking up and preparing to start the day. I like to write in the mornings. I like to read my Bible and pray. Therefore, the first hour is mine.

 On this perfect morning, an hour or so later, I would receive a phone call from my prayer and accountability partner who is a pastor’s wife in Arkansas. For the next 30 minutes to an hour we would talk about scripture, share burdens and encourage one another. Then slowly my children would wake up and we would begin our morning routine. I’ve spent many mornings just like the one described above. However, there is one thing wrong with the above picture…..there is no mention of my husband. I realize that there are some men who are perfectly content with being left alone in the mornings but not mine. He gets up early and wants to talk about the day. He wants his coffee and a companion to share it with. He wants a hot breakfast of biscuits, gravy, sausage and scrambled eggs. So, what’s a girl to do?

 The “whitewashed feminist” in me screams out that “I need my time too.” But, is this the correct Biblical response? As a child of God and my husband’s help meet what kind of example would I be if I neglected him in order to study the Bible? I remember the day clearly when God convicted me. My husband never said a word. He just went to the kitchen and started cooking breakfast while I sat on the couch with my Bible in one hand and the phone in the other. All of a sudden, I did not feel very spiritual. Bible study in itself was not wrong, but my attitude sure was. So I got off the phone, put up my Bible, for a later time in the day, and with a repentant heart began to serve. Am I saying that cooking breakfast is a more spiritual work than studying the Bible? Yes, in this case I am because God is always concerned with the heart.

Excuse me…..Is that your husband?

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 If I was given the choice between going to the Lowes and the mall, Lowes would win hands down nearly every time. Our family likes to go just because. The boys head for the lumber and hardware departments. My daughter and I head for decorations and home improvements. One particular day after looking at lighting we started hunting my husband and boys. We saw them, as we rounded a corner, at the end of an isle. It was then that I was approached by a woman saying, “Excuse me, Is that your husband?” I looked over to where this woman was pointing. There was my husband talking to my oldest son. He was listening intently as his father was teaching him the difference between certain types of nails. My youngest son, at his daddy’s feet, was looking up at his father and brother wishing for the day he could be big and strong like them. I said to this lady, “Yes, that is my husband,” wondering why the inquisition. She was an employee at Lowes and proceeded to tell me the story of her pushing a heavy washer down the isle. My husband, seeing her stuggle, asked her if he could help. Astonished she replied, “No sir, I work here. It’s my job.” “Well,” he said, “if my wife was having to move that washer I would hope someone would offer to help her.” This lady with a voice of gratitude said to me, “I just want you to know how much that meant to me. You have a fine husband.”

I’ve thought about that day often. Not because it was a rare occasion for my husband to show honor because he often does. But that day I realized, for perhaps the first time, how few women see it. When women do see men being chivalrous they almost do not know how to take it. When my boys were little their dad taught them to honor women and the elderly by holding open doors. Not too long ago my oldest son opened the door for me at a store and two young men stepped in front of me and went through the door. My son just shook his head at their rudeness. The shame in it all is that those young men probably did not have a man in their life to teach them manners. And they, as well, will proabably not teach their children either.

Those who know me know that I am not physically weak. I could, and have many times, moved a heavy appliance. But, the point my husband was trying to make is that a wife (and women in general) should be showed honor as the weaker (more precious) vessel. (I Peter 3:7) My husband does this in many ways. One way he does this is by never having me pump gas. I’ve pumped gas a thousand times in the past but for the past 4 or 5 years he always does it. If I am going on a field trip with my children the next day and the gas tank is low he will drive to town and get gas that evening. I’ve never asked him to do it; it’s just a way he shows honor. There are lots of ways a husband can honor his wife. I believe one of the greatest ways and probably the most effective way is by not expecting her to take on man’s curse given to Adam; the woman has her own.

It’s really sad when Christian men have their prayers hindered because they simply do not show honor to their wife? Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. (1Pe 3:7) I pray we can teach our sons and change one family at a time.

The Daughters of Sarah

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sadShe was a beautiful lady and well dressed but her eyes were so sad. “Can I ask you something?” she said. It was after I had finished speaking at an Apples of Gold ladies conference at our church that she approached me. “My husband portrays himself as a godly spiritual leader when we are at church but at home he is a different man. Am I still to submit to a hypocritical husband?” We talked for several minutes. I shared with her some Bible verses and ended saying, “Yes, we are to submit as unto the Lord. Scripture does not say we are only to submit to a perfect husband.” I explained to her that submission was easy when your husband was a godly man who strived to do with will of God and to love you as he should. But an ungodly man was no excuse for unsubmission. “Remember,” I said, “You will be accountable to the Lord for your obedience not your husbands.” After a few more minutes, she left with a glimmer of hope in those once sad eyes. I’ll probably never meet her again but have often wondered about this dear lady. Has she been obedient to the Scriptures in spite of her husband’s faults? Has God worked on her husband’s heart?

As heartbreaking as it is it happens often. You will have a wife who greatly desires to follow the Lord in submission to her husband. But he is either unsaved or simply does not obey the Word. Listen to what 1 Peter 3:1-6 says about this very thing, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”

Do you remember the story of Sarah and Abraham? Two times her husband put her in a dangerous situation by asking her to lie about their relationship. Once in Genesis 12 and then in Genesis 20 Abraham, because of fear, told his wife to say that she was Abraham’s sister causing her to be taken from him. “Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.” If you will read the story you will learn that God protected Sarah in her obedience. And, God dealt with Abraham in his foolishness. Ladies, as hard as it is we must never forget that our submission is “unto the Lord.” Biblical submission is such a beautiful thing. Without submitting myself to Christ I could never be saved. Without submitting myself to my husband I could never be in the will of God. My husband and I have grown a lot in this area. He has not always loved me as he should and I have not always submitted as I should but can I tell you that the more we have grown in obedience to Scriptures that the easier it becomes. When I submit to my husband it is a lot easier for him to love me as Christ loves the Church. And when he loves me this way it is a lot easier to submit.

One of the best sermons on submission that I have ever heard is by S.M. Davis called “The 7-fold Power of a Wife’s Submission.” It will bless your heart. Go to http://www.biblepreaching.com to hear it.

From the Mouth of Babes!

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Over the weekend our family drove down to the coast. My oldest son had a couple of friends with him. On the way one of the boys commented that he made a bet with his sister that he would never get married.

My reply was, “Of course you will.”

This young man said, “I just want to be single.”

At this point in the conversation Andrew, my six year old piped in saying, “You are single when you get married.”

To which I said, “No you’re not.”

“Yes, you are.” Andrew insisted, “The two shall become one flesh.”

Even now as I sit here pondering the significance of what this child said I wonder just how many adults grasp this concept.

“And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.” (Matthew 19:4-8)

I know divorce is a very real problem with mankind. It always has been. But as believers we must be diligent in the Biblical teaching of marriage. For those who are married they must take heed lest they fall (I Cor. 10:12). For those who have been divorced how much more should they teach and train their children the consequences of divorce and the standards of God. As parents our goal is to show our children what a healthy marriage looks like. My husband strives to be a strong leader and a godly husband and father. I strive to be a submissive wife and a loving mother. While we both fail at times our desire is to endeavor towards the high calling in which we are called. In that my children will have an example in which to look. I pray that my son (as well as all my children) will continue to hold fast to the truths in God’s Word. I pray that he will want to be a husband and father someday. And that he will long for the day in which God gives him a wife.

“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD”. (Proverbs 18:22)