Category: Marriage

From the Mouth of Babes!

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Over the weekend our family drove down to the coast. My oldest son had a couple of friends with him. On the way one of the boys commented that he made a bet with his sister that he would never get married.

My reply was, “Of course you will.”

This young man said, “I just want to be single.”

At this point in the conversation Andrew, my six year old piped in saying, “You are single when you get married.”

To which I said, “No you’re not.”

“Yes, you are.” Andrew insisted, “The two shall become one flesh.”

Even now as I sit here pondering the significance of what this child said I wonder just how many adults grasp this concept.

“And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.” (Matthew 19:4-8)

I know divorce is a very real problem with mankind. It always has been. But as believers we must be diligent in the Biblical teaching of marriage. For those who are married they must take heed lest they fall (I Cor. 10:12). For those who have been divorced how much more should they teach and train their children the consequences of divorce and the standards of God. As parents our goal is to show our children what a healthy marriage looks like. My husband strives to be a strong leader and a godly husband and father. I strive to be a submissive wife and a loving mother. While we both fail at times our desire is to endeavor towards the high calling in which we are called. In that my children will have an example in which to look. I pray that my son (as well as all my children) will continue to hold fast to the truths in God’s Word. I pray that he will want to be a husband and father someday. And that he will long for the day in which God gives him a wife.

“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD”. (Proverbs 18:22)

Will it matter in 5 years?

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My parents celebrated their 39th

Wedding Anniversary this past month.  When talking to my father last week I asked him what the secret to their successful marriage was.  My father’s answer was simple, “Always forgive”.  There seems to be a lot of wisdom in those words.  Ephesians 4:32 puts it this way:  “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”  A story is told of a grandmother who, on her golden anniversary, revealed the secret of her long and happy marriage.  She said, “On my wedding day, I decided to choose ten of my husbands faults which for the sake of our marriage I would overlook.”  When her granddaughter asked her what those faults were she replied, “To tell the truth, I never did get around to listing them.  Whenever my husband did something that made me hopping mad, I would say to myself, ‘Lucky for him that’s one of the ten.’”

Although we’re a long way from our golden anniversary, Dana and I have had a very successful 15 years.  One thing that we decided early in our marriage was that we would not fight over anything that would not matter in 5 years.  Do you know many things are argued over that really doesn’t matter?  Instead, when it comes to a disagreement we do as it says in Romans 12:10 and ‘in honor prefer one another’.  One of the things that Dana’s mentor, in Arkansas, use to say was that a Christian marriage is like a triangle with the husband and wife at each bottom corner and with God at the top.  The closer they individually get to God the closer they move toward each other.  We have seen this truth played out in our lives.  As we become closer to God our marriage flourishes.  As we grow spiritually there are just certain things in this world that doesn’t matter anymore.  Within the last few years we have made one change to our original agreement about fighting and that is now unless it matters in eternity, it’s not worth fighting about!

 

Pajama Day

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Years ago when Aaron was a toddler and Abigail a baby, Dana was involved in youth ministry and working at Coca-Cola and I had my embroidery business.  After Christmas we found ourselves exhausted.  For 6 weeks we went nonstop.   There were Christmas parties, shopping, programs, caroling, baking, and visiting.  We were both overwhelmed in our work and feeling drained. It was that year in January that we decided to have a “Pajama Day”.  For those who have never heard of such a thing let me explain what a “Pajama Day” means to us.   On this day our family does not leave the house.  We unplug the phone.  We read books, play games together and watch movies.  This is a day of complete rest.  On this day we talk about the upcoming year and our goals individually and as a family.  For those of you who know my husband you must know how hard this was for him.  He likes to be productive and sitting at home all day in his pajamas does not seem very productive.  But that year in January began one of our favorite traditions and has continued each year since.  It is because we have come to realize how important it is to slow down every now in then.  It’s important to revaluate our lives and it’s important to not be so B.U.S.Y. (Bound Under Satan’s Yoke) We’re a close family and it’s Pajama Day’s, family devotions, family activities and family ministries that keep us close.  Families need to spend time together. Remember there are several simple things you can do as a family to remain close.  Statistics show over and over again that children from families that eat meals together are healthier, happier and better students.  We always say that the biggest room in our home is the room for improvement.  Is there something you can do to improve your families relationship?  Remember, the family is important.  After all it was the first institution that God established here on earth. (Genesis 2:24)

 

My love for you is like the laundry…….

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My sister called me the other day and asked what I was doing.  My reply was, “the laundry”.    To which she responded with, “You’re always doing the laundry when I talk to you.”  “Yes” , I told her,   “Sometimes it seems like that’s all that I do.”   Since we’ve moved to the coast and because of the heat and humidity it’s not unusual for my family to change clothes several times a day, especially if they’ve been outside.   That particular day I had just finished 3 loads of laundry and had ironed 15 dress shirts and 11 pairs of pants.  Did I mention that I don’t like doing laundry?  I’ve never liked doing laundry and I use to make sure my family knew it.  Look at poor me….having to do all the work.  My martyrs’ complex was rather pathetic.  Thankfully, several years ago God worked on my heart.  Oh, I still do the laundry but my attitude has changed.  God reminded me in His Word that my service to others is service to Him.  When I serve my family in His name and with joy in my heart, my family is blessed, I am a witness to the world and God receives honor and glory.   His Word tells us in Colossians 3:17 that whatever we do in word or deed we should do in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.  That means not only our actions but also our words.  It’s hard to give thanks to God when I’m complaining about housework. 

One summer Dana and I had five foster children in our home in addition to our three children.  We had eight children under the age of eleven.  Needless to say, it was a busy time in our lives.  Since it was summer, we were home all day long.  So, we unplugged the TV, went and bought all the children bicycles and planted a garden and flower beds that summer.  The children would come in extremely hungry and dirty.   It seemed as though I fixed breakfast, cleaned up, fixed lunch, cleaned up and then it was time to start dinner.  But, as much cooking as I did it wasn’t near as bad as all the laundry.  I had never seen such dirty clothes!  I had two choices  –  I could do all this work grudgingly or I could shine with the light of Christ while doing the work, either way it still had to be done.  So, I choose to have a good attitude, smile at my family and enjoy the work.  That was the summer that I coined the phrase, “Dana, my love for you is like the laundry – IT’S NEVERENDING!”

Feminism

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There seems to be two ways of looking at things; the world view and the Biblical view. 
When it comes to feminism the world view is prevalent.  Feminism has been telling us for years that there is no difference in the roles of men and women.  “Anything you can do I can do better” is the attitude of most feminist when it comes to men.  The question isn’t rather women can do the jobs better but rather should they.  Because of the confusion of the roles of men and women, not only have women wanted to act like men, but now men are acting like women.  This attitude is a complete slap in the face of the Almighty God who created us for different purposes.  Remember, woman was created to be the help meet of man.  The feminist says, “I will lead this family because I’m more spiritual.  I will make decisions because I’m smarter.  I will raise the children according to my wishes because I spend more time with them.  I will decide what to do in this house because if ‘Mom isn’t happy, no one is’.  He can not tell me what to do because he has faults of his own and etc., etc., etc.”  But the Biblical view is completely different than the worlds.  In fact, in most cases if your attitude doesn’t stand out in the world and is different then most of those around you then you probably do not have a Biblical view.  When it comes to women the Biblical view is, “My husband will lead this family is all areas, physically, spiritually, and financially.  He is responsible and will answer to God for the holiness of the family, for how the children are raised, for the decisions made within the family.  I will respect his God given position regardless of his faults.  I will lift him up in prayer and honor him as unto the Lord.  I will not talk down to him or about him to others.  I will be his helper in every area of life.”

 

Do you see how different this mind set is?

 

We’re to the point now that when the world sees a man who is the leader of his family it’s very offensive.  But can I tell you that from a woman’s perspective who truly wants a Godly husband that it’s a wonderful thing when a man realizes his responsibilities to God and his family.  When your husband is a Godly leader there is security in all areas of life.  God blesses a man who stands up and leads.  Look at Noah, Abraham, Moses, Joshua, David.  Take a look at the men in the New Testament church.  These men were leaders not only in their homes but also in the church.

 

Ladies, until we find our God give role as women; there will never be happiness or contentment in this life.  There will be struggles and fighting.  But when the Biblical role of womanhood is embraced there is peace and joy.  As we humble ourselves before the Lord may God bless our efforts to live a life that is pleasing to Him.