Loving Your Spouse in Deed & Truth

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loveDid you know that in 1st John we see 46 different forms of the word love?  I have been teaching through this book to our ladies during our Monday night Bible study.  Love envelops the Epistles of John.  It not only adorns this book, but is a consistent theme throughout the entire Word of God.

 We have been learning that love is more than an emotion. While emotion is attached to love, it is in actuality an act of the will. We choose to love. And while a person wants to be told they are loved; they want to be shown even more. Therefore, true love is active, not passive.  We are told in 1 John 3:18, “Let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.” So let’s take a look at what loving our spouse in deed and truth looks like. (With special thanks to my husband who has written the part for men.)

 Wife

 My husband says that most men are fairly easy to please. They basically need three things – food, sex, and respect (and not necessarily in that order). While this may be true and is certainly a good starting point, there are many ways a wife can show love on a daily basis. The way you show your husband love will probably look different than the way I show my husband love. So do not use the below list as an excuse for falling into the trap of comparison. This is always detrimental to a marriage. Instead, use these suggestions as a means of sparking your creative imagination and love your husband in a way that makes him see the truth in Proverbs 18:22. “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.”

  • Create an atmosphere of peace in the home.

  • Pray for his life and success daily.

  • Help him maintain male friendships by allowing him time away with the boys.

  • When he has had a hard day, romance him in the evening.

  • Praise him in public.

  • Save money in a jar and buy him something he really wants.

  • Build him up in the eyes of your children. Make him their greatest hero.

  • When he asks you to do something, do it with pleasure.

  • Support his life ambitions in both word and deed.

  • Fix his favorite meal or dessert on occasion.

  • Don’t complain.

  • Be quick to say I’m sorry and even quicker to forgive.

  • Be a woman he can trust. Don’t share more than you should with others.

  • When he arrives home from work, allow him some quiet time before discussing the day.

  • Maintain your health and beauty.

  • Pray for his weaknesses, praise his strengths.

  • Put your husband before your children and make sure he knows that he will always hold that place.

  • Always express thankfulness for all he does for your family whether it is big or small.

  • The next time you are tempted to usurp his authority, don’t.

  • Surround yourself with friends who want to see your marriage last and listen to them.

  • Speak kindly and watch the tone of your voice. Avoid being loud or whiny.

  • Be there in his hour of need.

  • Be content with what you have, not always demanding more.

  • Be slow to speak and quick to listen.

  • Drop an encouraging note or scripture in his lunch or brief- case.

  • Send romantic texts (just make sure it goes to the right person).

  • Treat him with respect and teach the children to do the same.

  • Begin each day with a hug. End each night with a kiss.

  • Add to this list continually.

Husband

Husbands before you read the list below, prayerfully consider that your wife is a precious vessel in which to treasure and that this list is not a checklist to say, “Okay I have done my part”, but a guide to help reaffirm her as your “help meet.” She was created from the man, not from his head to rule over him, nor from his foot to be subjugated by him, but from his side to be his close ally and trusted confidant.  As her husband the Bible commands you to “wash her with the water of the word” this means to speak into her life and help her live through the scriptures you share with her day by day. The word husband is the word used to be a dresser of vines, one who cultivates and not that of dictator or tyrant. You are her spiritual head and it is your loving obligation to lead her into the truth of God’s Word together. Now consider some of the following to help strengthen her first, and your own position of authority second:

  •  After the kids are in bed, slow dance by candlelight or firelight.

  • Do something around the house that your wife usually does.

  • Take up a new hobby or interest together or share those you already have.

  • Praise your wife in front of the children.

  • Be trustworthy.

  • Pray with and for your wife.

  • Exercise together.

  • Be the Spiritual leader you are called to be by reading scripture together.

  • Let her talk.  Be slow to speak, quick to listen.

  • Keep pictures of your family in your wallet or around the office.

  • Be the sole provider for your family.

  • Schedule a monthly (or weekly, if possible) date with your wife.

  • Write her love letters.

  • Fill her car up with gas when it’s low.

  • Make your anniversary very special.

  • Send her flowers on your children’s birthdays.

  • Encourage her to spend time with godly women.

  • Always express thankfulness for all she does for the family whether it is big or small.

  • Use physical affection often -a hand on the shoulder, neck rub, stroke on the cheek, etc.

  • Watch the tone of your voice. Be kind, don’t yell.

  • Always forgive.

  • Be a good father to your children.

  • Let her sleep in occasionally and serve her favorite breakfast in bed.

  • Add to this list continually.

Note: Looking for a study on love from 1st John? Click here for a verse by verse study for women through the Epistles of John.

Exciting News!

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front coverHomeschooling friends,

I am so excited to share with you about my newest book!

Home Discipleship is about the discipleship process we find all throughout Scripture applied to the home. It covers the biblical mandate we have as parents, the structure of the Christian home, how to keep the proper perspective, fundamentals and practicalities of home discipleship, and addresses how a homeschooling lifestyle can help parents accomplish this very objective.

If you are a homeschooler, have ever considered homeschooling, or know of someone who does you can use this coupon code 7G3P48KT to receive 25% off, making the total cost per book under $9. Offer available through August!

Click here to order.

Click here see what people are saying.

Click here to read a chapter overview.

Stingrays and Evangelism

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stingrayLast month, while vacationing in Orange Beach, I saw more stingrays than I’ve ever seen. One evening, just before dark, my son had one swim right beside him. Aaron didn’t like being that close to one so he got out. The next evening when we went back to the beach, he had no desire to get back in the water.

“Come on Aaron, the chances of seeing another stingray is slim,” I told him as I waded out into the water.

It wasn’t five minutes later when another one came along and swam between us. This time I got out of the water before he could. I know for the most part that stingrays are not that dangerous, but I did not want to take a chance of accidently stepping on one half-buried in the sand. Many people have been hurt by doing just that. (And in some rare incidences, stingrays can cause an even worse fate such as in the case of Steve Irwin.)

There were not a lot of people out, but there was one little boy playing in the water next to us. His parents were on the beach watching him. I decided to tell them about the stingray so they could decide if they wanted him to stay in the water. It turned out that they didn’t.  That evening before going in, we counted nearly a dozen stingrays.

So what does that have to do with evangelism?  Glad you asked! Let me explain.

I knew there was a potential danger in the water. So, not only did my family get out, but when I looked around and saw another person around I gave a warning. It was just a few stingrays and not that big of a deal, but I still took the time to warn them. Of course, the parents could have chosen to ignore my warning, but they didn’t.  My warning was just a polite and caring thing to do. Wouldn’t you do the same?

A few days after we get home from our vacation I’m reading in 2 Corinthians about Paul’s explanation of why he labors for the Lord.

“Wherefore we labour, that, whether present or absent, we may be accepted of him.

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.

 Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men,” 2 Corinthians 5:9-11a.

Did you catch the reasons that Paul shares the gospel? There were three of them.

  • We want to be pleasing to the Father.
  • We will stand before God and answer for the things we have done.
  • We know about the coming judgment.

Let’s talk about the last one. “Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men.” I found it very easy to warn a family about a potential danger in the gulf shore waters. I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t worry that they might be offended. And I probably wouldn’t have taken it personal if they had ignored me. I simply warned them. And it only involved a few swimming creatures. But even the thought of potential harm coming to someone was enough to motivate me.

Why then do I find it so hard to warn people about the coming judgment of the Lord? Why does fear threaten me every time I want to share the gospel? We are not talking about potential harm coming to someone, but eternal death.

“It is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment,” Hebrews 9:27.

Every man, woman, and child will face death one day. All will stand before God. If they die in their sins, they will go to hell, a very real place. In fact, Jesus talked about hell more than He talked about heaven. And while most people live for the moment, the truth is that our lives are just a vapor.

The other day Ray Comfort, from the Way of the Master, posted on his Facebook page a sobering and truthful statement.

“I am both a coward and a hypocrite if I believe that the world is going to Hell, but fail to verbally warn them.”

“Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men.”

If I knew a young boy was playing in dangerous waters, would I warn him?

Only if I knew….and only if I cared……

If I knew a blind man was about to walk off a steep cliff, would I warn him?

Only if I knew….and only if I cared……

If I knew someone was about to drink mislabeled poison, would I warn him?

Only if I knew….and only if I cared……

If I knew a child was playing on a busy highway, would I warm him?

Only if I knew….and only if I cared……

If I knew that the world was dying in their sins and going to hell, would I warn them? If I knew that all would stand before the Lord who comes to judge the earth and the entire world with righteousness, would I warn them? If I knew the bad news, would I share the good news? Would I be motivated to share the truth…

Only if I knew….only if I cared…..only if I had a filial fear of the Lord…..only if I was not a coward or a hypocrite…..only if I truly loved others…..

Lord, my prayer is that I will always love others enough to warn them. Let me be one who cares enough about people to persuade them to come to You. Let me be moved with compassion toward lost souls enough to share the gospel. Help me to remember that love is not passive, nor is it in word alone, but in deed and in truth! For Your glory!

The Comparison Game

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comparisonA couple of years ago I was at the place where the year was quickly dwindling down and it had been rather hectic. As I realized that there were only a few months left of school, deep down there was a part of me that began to panic. I felt like I had failed at giving my children the best education possible. In fact, if report cards were to come out on me – the children’s teacher – I was to the point where I would have been satisfied with a C-. I was discouraged, and yet no one knew it.

A homeschool monthly mom’s meeting was scheduled on the topic of “Homeschooling through the High School Years” and I knew this was just the encouragement I needed. So I put on a smile and headed out the door. But what was intended to lift my spirits, turned into guilt and great discouragement. As I listened to various moms share their experiences, I began to compare my life to them and a few hours later ended up driving home in tears.

My discouragement lasted through the next day, until I finally picked up the precious Word of God.

 “In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths,” Proverbs 3:6.

“Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established,” Proverbs 4:25-26.

 It was clear. My eyes were not fixed upon God. I was looking around to the left and right, comparing myself and my family to everyone else. And it is just that – the comparison game – that will leave us discouraged every time.

This is not the only thing that can contribute to this type of discouragement for moms. Books, magazines, and social media can all add weight to the problem. Ideas of having the “perfect” marriage or a busy mom’s guide to “getting it all done” can raise our levels of expectations to an unhealthy level. Pictures on Pinterest of beautifully-decorated, insanely-organized, and superbly-spotless homes can also add to the comparison game.

Here’s the truth: Every family will look different. No marriage is perfect. We cannot and should not even try to do everything. And, having a lived-in home when love and laughter flows, is much better than the “picture-perfect” home where all are stressed over spills and messes.

Don’t get me wrong. We are built for relationships and God will often use people to encourage and exhort us to be better wives and mothers. We should examine and learn from others, and we should follow after those who are living godly lives. The Apostle Paul said, “Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ,” I Corinthians 11:1. But there is a difference between following others by letting their example be an encouragement to us, and comparing our lives to theirs. The Bible warns us to not compare ourselves with others in spiritual matters. “For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise,” 2 Corinthians 10:12. The principle applies here as well. It is easy to want to compare ourselves to others, but it is not others that should set our standards. God’s plan for our life is the standard all must seek. God created each of us in a unique way. He created our family unique. Unless we embrace our differences and seek out God’s will for our family, we will constantly struggle in this area.

There is a fine balance between striving for excellence as wives and mothers, and killing ourselves by trying to live up to some unattainable form of perfection that we “think” we see in others. Let’s not forget that often we are only seeing highlights of people’s lives, moments of triumphs, and glimpses of won victories. Often the failures, struggles, and disappointments are not on display. This comparison game trap was a good reminder for me as well. When talking to a new believer, a first time homeschooler, or a newlywed I need to remember that each child of God is on a journey in life to walk in the ways of the Lord. We are all striving to live our life and raise our family in a way that is pleasing to Him. Some are simply further down the road than others.  Some have been traveling longer. Some travel at a faster pace. And some take a different path altogether. My life will not look like yours. Your life will not look like mine. But let each of us look like Christ. If we are going to compare our lives with anyone, let it be His!  “He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he walked,” 1 John 2:6.

Be content to travel down the path that God has laid before you.  Acknowledge Him, take your eyes off self, focus upon the One who establishes all your ways, and let the peace of God which passes all understanding keep your heart and mind focused upon Him.

When the Sun Comes Out

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sun When we were in South Mississippi we lived in a home that was surrounded by acres and acres of National Forrest. During the summer months, after the children went to bed my husband and I would love to take evening swims. In the darkness of the night we would look into the heavens at the thousands of stars shining so bright. The contrast of the stars against the blanket of darkness was striking. This is how I picture the Christian’s life. We let our light shine before men in an extremely dark world.

It is certainly dark times. Today’s headlines, like all others, include stories of war, scandals, terrorism, and murder. One story that depicts the nature of our world in such a clear fashion is this one. A Chinese baby boy is rescued alive after being flushed away. I am a mother. The thought of a mom giving birth to a child and then being able to take that child and flush it down the toilet as human waste or garbage is inconceivable. I can’t even comprehend the cruel heart that could do such a thing, other than the fact that we are told in Jeremiah that the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked (Jer 17:9) and that one of the characteristic of the ungodly is being “without natural affection” (Rom 1:31, 2 Tim 3:3).

So these gloriously dark times are grand opportunities to shine.

Look at how Daniel describes the wise. “And they that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament; and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars for ever and ever,” Daniel 12:3.

That right! You are a star!

At least those with heavenly wisdom, who point others to God, shine as stars in the darkness!

But what happens to the stars when the sun comes out?

They fade away.

John the Baptist understood this concept. He said, “He must increase, but I must decrease,” John 3:30.

Our purpose as light in the darkness has never been to point others to ourselves. We don’t shine for our glory. We point others to God, for His glory. Jesus told his disciples, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven,” Matthew 5:16.

We shine in this dark world so that others are pointed to our heavenly Father. But one glorious day, the Son whose “countenance was as the sun,” (Rev 1:16) will return and all darkness will be driven away for all eternity.

Until that day, dear Christian friend, keep shinning!

It’s all about me!

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all about meHave you ever met that person? You know, the one who thinks the whole world revolves around them. Everything is about them. If you hurting, they are in more pain. If you have a praise, they have a bigger praise. If you have a story to tell, they have a better story. It’s all about them!

Today, I’m going to be that person. I’m not going to worry about you, or think about others. It is all about me…that is when it comes to sin, confession, and repentance.

Jesus told a parable in Luke 18 about two men. One was a Pharisee and the other a publican. Both went to the temple to pray. When it came to sin, the Pharisee was concerned with others. He contumeliously stood and prayed, “God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.” But the publican was only thinking of self. He wasn’t concerned with the Pharisee. I want to be like him. His prayer was, “God be merciful TO ME a sinner,” speaking of himself as if he were the only sinner in the world.

David had this same attitude in Psalm 51.

…wash me

…cleanse me

…my sin

…my transgressions

…purge me

…create in me

…cast me not

…restore unto me

…uphold me

He is a little self-focused, wouldn’t you say? But, isn’t that exactly how we should be when there is sin in our lives. And unfortunately, that is every single day for me.

Oh, but let’s not end here. For King David didn’t. After he confessed his sin before God and a right spirit was restored within him, he then continued ….

“…Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee,” Psalm 51:13.

When we are right before God, our hearts desire is to teach others. Why? Because we are filled with such love from God’s mercy and forgiveness that we greatly desire for others to experience the same.

Probably the most misquoted verse in all of scripture is Matthew 7:1, “Judge not, that ye be not judged.” But if people would just continue to read the Bible they would see that it never commands us to not judge others, only to not judge hypocritically.

“Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye,” Matthew 7:5.

When we “first” cast out the beam from our eye “then” we can see clearly to cast out the mote from our brother’s eye. For in truth, if we love our brother and our heart is right, we will want to do just that.

So maybe, it isn’t all about me…

It just starts with me!

Mother, You Are Loved

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childBuying a present for my mother is almost impossible. She has everything she needs. She never wants anything new. And unless I get it 90% off, I feel like I’ve let her down. Okay, maybe I exaggerate a bit. But the truth is that I have hit the Outlets and the Landing this week looking for something to give my Mother for Mother’s Day and nothing seems right. I am empty handed and with Mother’s Day on Sunday, that is not a good thing.

She deserves much; I offer her little….a small part of myself…

My words…

My declaration…

My appreciation…

My love…

My thanks…

I do not tell her enough how much she means to me and everyone around her. I do not tell her enough that she is a good mother and that she makes a difference in this world. I do not tell her enough that by her example she has taught me many, valuable things.

Things like….

• a love for music
• the worth of family
• the importance of truth
• how to show forgiveness
• how to cook for my family
• how to clean and take care of a house
• how to be gracious and hospitable
• the value of hard work
• sacrificing for others
• caring for the lonely and elderly
• always being there for your children
• how to love your husband
• faithfulness to Christ and His church

I can only pray that I will be the same type of example to my own precious children.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! You are loved!

“Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her,” Proverbs 31:28.

* Update – My husband took me out to eat Chinese tonight and walking past a store I thought I would givce it one more try. And wouldn’t you know it, I just found the perfect gift! Feeling pretty good (and it was on sale)!

The Key to Successful Writing

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key

Someone asked me the other day how I had managed to just finish writing my 5th book in a little over 5 years.

My answer was simple. The key is sleeping-in.

No, not me.

The children….

 

Since we homeschool we have the luxury of doing that.

Since we have made the sacrifice to educate our children at home, I am very blessed with a relaxed schedule!  Over the past 5 years most of my writing has taken place from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m.  I say most, not all.  There are plenty of times that I write when I should be doing other things.  On rare occasions entire Saturdays have been spent researching, writing, editing, re-writing, editing, and re-writing. On even rarer occasions I will write in the still of the night. But for the most part, I work in the mornings while the children are asleep.  All is quiet, except for an occasional jingle on the collar of our Maltese. My mind is intensified by the aroma from the Kona coffee. Words flow. Life is good.

But “sleeping-in” is not really the key.

The true key to successfully accomplishing anything worthwhile is consistency. Be consistent. Keep at it.  Don’t give up. Make time for writing. A little here and a little there….A few hours a day doesn’t amount to much, but a few hours a day equal 10 hours a week. And 10 hours a week add up.

Some say they can only write when they are inspired. Forget that. Set time aside every day to be inspired and then write.

I am not sure who to credit, but they exuded wisdom by saying,

If you want something bad enough, you will find a way.

If you don’t, you will find an excuse.

(Now, if I can just take that same concept and apply it to exercise…..)

Let me hear from all you writers out there. What has been “key” to your success in writing?

40 Things I Love About You

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It has been fun having my husband turn 40 this week (mostly because it wasn’t me). I’ve reminded him how “old” he has become. The children and I bought gag gifts. The church threw him a surprise party on Friday night. It’s been great, but time for fun is over. This is serious – 40 years!  So all joking aside, and in honor of husband’s birthday here are 40 Things I Love About You – Dana Williams!

1.) I am not #1 in your life.
2.) ….God is.
3.) You are a loving father.
4.) …and a fun dad.
5.) You are a student of the Word.
6.) You are a wonderful pastor.
7.) You give me gifts when I don’t deserve them.
8.) You give me gifts when I do…
9.) You make me smile.
10.) You make me cry.
11.) You make our daughter laugh.
12.) You make our boys strong.
13.) You bring out the best in people.
14.) You bring out the best in Otis (our demon dog).
15.) You stand when no one else will.
16.) You stand with those who stand on God’s Word.
17.) You have a heart for older people.
18.) You love babies and children.
19.) You love the truth.
20.) Your favorite movie is Pride & Prejudice.
21.) You’re not embarrassed to say that your favorite movie is Pride & Prejudice.
22.) You practice what you preach.
23.) You admit when you are wrong.
24.) You don’t pretend.
25.) You make me feel like a Queen.
26.) You are an excellent sock folder!
27.) You encourage me to write.
28.) You spiritually lead me and the children.
29.) You are one of the hardest workers I know.
30.) You read me to sleep.
31.) You make our date nights special.
32.) You take our daughter out on dates making her feel special.
33.) You wrestle with the boys.
34.) You cry when watching Fireproof & Courageous.
35.) You love to laugh.
36.) You make me want to be a better wife.
37.) You play Monopoly when you don’t want to.
38.) You know how to forgive.
39.) You know how to say, “I’m sorry!”
40.) You have bewitched me body and soul. I love, I love, I love you. Mr. Williams and I never wish to be parted from you from this day on!

The Wrong Question

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questionDid you know that I love to ask questions? Not only do I learn from asking, but I teach thorough the use of questions as well. This is known as the Socratic Method of teaching. It is a great tool for guiding people on a journey of discovery as well as moves them toward greater understanding. But what happens when we ask the wrong question? Logically, we would have to say that we get the wrong answer.

Should a woman have the right to choose an abortion? That is the wrong question.

The correct question is: Should society allow the murder of innocent babies?

Should Christians be allowed to pray in government ran schools? Again, that is the wrong question. The question we should be asking is: Should we allow an ungodly government to train and educate our Christian children? When we begin to ask the right question, all of a sudden we begin to get the right answers.

Have you ever heard anyone say, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” That is another wrong question. In Luke 18 a rich young ruler came to Jesus saying, “Good Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus responsed with, “Why callest thou me good? none is good, save one, that is, God,” (Luke 18:19). There is none good but God. So, when we ask, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” we are asking the wrong question. The correct question should be, “Why do bad things happen to bad people,” or “Why do good things happen at all?”

Several years ago in South Mississippi, we attended a revival where our friend Brandon Wilson was preaching. He addressed the same thought of asking the wrong questions. The point he made was that many times Christians ask, “Is this a sin?”

We will question…

Is it a sin to drink?
Is it a sin to watch this movie?
Is it a sin to say this?
Is it a sin to date this person?
Is it a sin to (fill in the blank)?

Again, we are asking the wrong question. Instead of asking if something is a sin, what every Christian should be asking is, “Is this holy?” You can ineffectively debate whether drinking is a sin, but when you ask the correct question of “Is drinking holy?” you get a clearer answer.

What about asking if this movie we are about to watch is holy?
Is what I’m about to say holy?
Is this relationship holy?
Is what I am doing holy?
And so on…

With the correct question, all of a sudden the perspective changes. It is easy to justify certain behavior when we approach it from a, “Is this really a sin?” attitude. However, if we approach our lifestyle, our conduct, our words, and our inner motives from the thought of, “Is this holy and pleasing to God?” it becomes impossible to justify those questionable activities.

I needed this reminder, because sometimes I do ask the wrong question. But as a child of God, I am called to examine my life.

“Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves,”2 Corinthians 13:5.

As a child of God I should ask the Lord to search my heart.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting,” Psalm 139:23-24.

As a child of God I should ask if I am living in obedience.

“As obedient children, not fashioning yourselves according to the former lusts in your ignorance: But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy,” 1 Peter 1:14-16.

Lord, is my faith real? Lord, is there any wicked thing in me? Lord, am I living a holy life?  These are the correct questions! If we will just ask them, the answers will drive us to our knees and point us to God Almighty.